The only reason i went out that night was for drugs. I wasn’t looking for pussy, wasnt looking to meet anyone. I just wanted to go out, maybe run into a couple good friends, and get some drugs. Molly, blow, xanax- hell, whatever i could really get my hands on. So i went to the liquor store and got a tall can for the walk over. Something to ease my nervous conscience, something to take my mind off all the shit i’d been sitting with all day as i proceeded to find something to distract myself. All i had thought about during the day was how bullshit this was, how annoying that was, how frustrating that one thing is, how much i wanted to get high and forget about it. I hadn’t produced shit in months- not a single piece of writing, not a single beat, not one photo taken. So here i was, unenthused about my lack of production and not doing shit but running from it. I began my thirty minute walk to that night’s party, cracked the beer and lit a cigarette. I checked my social media sites. fucking dumbass, its the same shit you just looked at ten minutes ago. step after step, passing by bars and restaurants on the way. I’d look at the people all having fun with their friends, laughing and yelling about random shit, some by themselves perhaps on the same tip as myself. I showed up, paid my cover and ran into Eric. “You all right my dude?” He could tell i’d been stewing all day, i guess i wasn’t my light-hearted self. “Oh yeah, man I just been chillin all day.” God forbid i reveal true feelings. “Ay, Eric, you know if Stefan’s here? or Alex? I’m tryna get some molly.” I’d decided on the MDMA as i knew i’d be able to find it here and didn’t really feel like dropping forty dollars on some shit id eventually run out of and need more of that night. plus, i knew someone would end up giving me some bumps for free at some point. “Oh yeah, they’re upstairs. let’s grab a drink and head up there.” i nodded with a dumb fake smile, playing it off like i was down to party and shit. I ordered a tall can and a shot of cazadores. Eric got a beer too and ashot of jameson. Glasses clinked, a loud “yeee!” from both of us. I liked Eric but it really wasn’t sincere, although I could make it seem as such. Stefan was sitting over in the corner with his boys and a couple bottles of champagne. some rick ross song was playing and everyone was trying to have as good a time as possible. who knew if they truly were as actions generally turn into facades after drinks, drugs, and loud rap music. I gave daps to the homies up there and after about ten or fifteen minutes asked Stefan about the drug situation. “Fasho fasho…” An exchange of hand slips and the molly fell into my beer. After i finished that beer i went and got another round.